Reblog if you know someone who is transgendered and are proud to know them and will always support and stand up for them.

(Source: edman93, via itiseasiersaidthandone)

Life from my eyes: what it’s like to be a transguy

I wake up every morning with the same thoughts. ‘here we go again’ another day like this. Another day of putting your game face on and pushing past everything. Some days you just don’t want to get out of bed, you’d rather sleep all day. Because in my dreams i’m happy, in my dreams im a biological male. And if i could i’d sleep forever, being happy in my own little world. Then as i make my way to the bathroom every morning i glance into the mirror. i look at myself and i see the man i am, then i see my chest and walk away.
There’s not one hour in the day when i’m not thinking about something to do with my body or how i feel about being trans. If i’m home all day it’s not actually so bad, for me at least i can handle sitting indoors being shirtless all day. Because its the only time i can do so.
But when i go out is when i feel the most dysphoric. Being around cis guys who have lower voices than me, who are taller than me, have hairier legs, and are broader. I sometimes stand next to my friends in envy. I love them to bits, but at the same time i hate them. Seeing them change, taking their shirt off, i can’t help but stare at their chest and not well up inside. I want to go to the beach, but there’s so much that makes me not want to. Just seeing other males in just shorts, i want to do that so bad. Im stuck there in a t-shirt and its a boiling day. I can’t go swimming with my binder on, cos then its wet and horriible all day, but i cant take it off for obvious reasons. I can’t remember the last time i went swimming at a swimming pool. And when i did i could feel everyones eyes on me. I hated it so much.
Even just going into public toilets, my heart rate increases, i walk towards the stalls, head down, i know i always pass 100% but i still worry. I’ve had past encounters where people i know have seen me, and shouted out as i walk into the mens that i shouldnt be in there, and that im a freak etc. The comments bounce off me, but people around can hear, they question me, their eyes are on me. But it makes me feel better that one of my close friends who is a cis guy always uses stalls in toilets and not urinals as he has a shy bladder and cant pee in the presence of others.
There are days when i just think, why me? why cant i just be normal, what have i done to deserve this. Being trans is more than just wanting a dick. It the emotional side that affects me more than the physical, yet the physical causes the emotional, and there i am in a constant never ending cirlce.
When i’m out i worry about my chest, even though i have a binder on, and can bearly breathe, i find myself looking in windows, cars, doors, any refective surface, looking at myself and how i appear. I find myself lowering my voice all the time in public, i dont even realise i do it anymore it just happens. I try to stick my throat out more so it looks like i have an adams apple, when i where shorts i become really concious of leg hair.
Around friends i’ve become more relaxed and more comfortable. They all accept me, they love me and they support me. But i’m still not totally relaxed.Just hearing my birthname makes me feel.. sick, sad, i cant even describe it. It’s horrible and i hate it so much. People i used to go to school with coming up to me like, you’ll never be a real man, you still have female parts, i remember when you used to be such a pretty girl.. When people use it against me it’s just like why? What do you get out of this?? At work where no one knows, i find myself shying away more, busying myself in a task and not talking much.
Body image wise, there’s so much i hate about my body;
- my chest
- lack of body hair
- my voice
- i have a really small head
- my height
- the size of my hands
- my waist
- my hips
- genitalia
- small feet
- my jaw line
- the scars from what being trans had previously done to me mentally.

The process of transitioning isn’t an easy one, it takes years, it takes strength, and it takes a lot courage. From telling your family, to the first visit to your gp.. You never know how they’re going to react. My dad disowned me and didnt want anything to do with me for several months. My school wouldnt allow me to return. In year 9 i was interanally excluded for kissing my ex. I was nearly banned from the 6th form block for being “too close” to my now girlfriend. I was bullied in year 5&6, and again in years 8&9. I couldnt walk to the station after school because i’d get shit thrown at me, literally.. rubbish, stones, bottles, anything. I’d get verbal abuse. But i couldnt tell anyone. I hated wearing the school uniform, I’d always change before i left but the school stopped me. My ex’s family wouldnt accept me. My current girfriends family doesnt accept me, they dont know we’re together, theyve banned her from seeing me.

I’m not even 18 yet, and i’ve experienced so much in my life. Yet here i am on the other side, stronger than ever. Being trans* is nothing i would ever wish upon anyone. The feeling like you are literally trapped. Like your body is a cage, you can’t be who you really are because of it. It’s horrible, every day you’re batteling the emotions that come with it. To those who are trans* I’m here for you. Everyone’s case is different. Everyone gets treated differently. Just to think, I’m one of the lucky ones…

(Source: edman93)

Reblog if you know someone who is transgendered and are proud to know them and will always support and stand up for them.